Week 4 This Is Where It Starts To Get Tough So I Gotta Be Tougher

 Sunday: I am not looking forward to trying to run for 4 minutes straight. I will definitely give it a shot but I'm stuck in a mindset that's telling me it'll be too hard. I might just have to spend the next two days reading every motivational and inspirational quote I can get my hands on. 

I know in my last post I mentioned weight loss and the before and after photos. I don't want this to just be a weight loss journey. I don't want to put out the message that I can only love myself if I'm thin enough. I do hope I lose weight in this journey but the bigger focus is my ability to do things that are hard. I want to feel the pride that comes with saying "I run at 5 am" Or "I'm training for a marathon" "I completed a marathon" etc. I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I'll never forget the feeling of crossing the finish line when I completed my first half marathon. I was sore, I was tired, I was on the verge of tears and all I could think about was finding a place to sit down. But underneath all of that I was insanely proud of myself and of what my body could do. I want that feeling back, so that's why I'm on this fitness journey. I want to gain my own respect and my own admiration. If I manage to lose a few pounds and feel less self conscious about my weight then that's just a bonus.  Heaven knows I already have enough anxiety in social situations if I could get better control over my weight issues life would be that much easier. 

Monday: Not much to say about Monday. It's Monday.

Tuesday: I couldn't do the 4 minute run. I barely made it past 2 minutes. I might have to tweak the training plan I have and make it a little more gradual. It said it was beginner friendly but they must have meant beginners who were already athletically inclined. I understand the need to push a little bit past your comfort level if you want to get better but doubling what you can do every week is just too fast. I think I'll start with 2 minutes and 30 seconds on thursday and saturday.  

I had to keep reminding myself that it wasn't a bad workout it just wasn't what I hoped it would be. I still got up and tried. That has to count for something. It's hard though. I don't like doing things imperfectly. Part of my 'love myself journey' is letting go of that perfectionism and allowing myself to not be perfect. I need to learn that it's ok to do as much as I can and be ok with it. I have a bad habit of never starting something because I know I can't finish it or I know I can't do it perfectly so I just don't try at all. I had this problem when I was in school and I had to remind myself that partial credit is better than no credit. I would get so overwhelmed with assignments and the fear that I wouldn't get a perfect score that I would procrastinate until it was too late to turn it in.

Wednesday: Wednesday's aren't much different from Mondays as far as mornings go. I do have a game night with friends to look forward too so I took a nap after work. 

Thursday: I made the right call on changing my running time. two and a half minutes was a challenge for me but it wasn't impossible. I did feel like I wanted to die after each run but I've come to expect that after pushing myself. It may have also been because I stayed up late for game night so I was a little groggy this morning. 

Friday: I did not want to get up this morning. I was so not feeling it. I layed in bed for a good twenty minutes just scrolling through instagram and trying to force myself to get out of bed. It didn't help either that my cat crawled in my bed and went to sleep after I did get up. It felt like he was taunting me because he could go back to sleep and I couldn't. Because of the late start I ended up eating Chick-fil-a for breakfast on the way to work. I also didn't pack a lunch because I was lazy so I got a frozen burrito from the staff freezer. I've got a nice boss that keeps the break room stocked with fast microwave lunch items but I really try not to eat too much processed food. It was not a very good day health wise. Still did my workout but that was about as productive as it got today. 

Saturday: Finally the week is over! I'm contemplating if I should stick to the two and a half minute runs for next week as well and then push up to three minutes the week after. I can do it but it's still a struggle. I don't want to push too fast and start hating it. 

Week three of regular exercise wasn't too bad. It wasn't too great either. this is usually where I hit my motivation wall. I can usually keep a new habit up for a few weeks and then I lose interest so these next couple weeks are gonna have to be about building discipline. I know I won't have the motivation to stick to this rigid schedule for long, especially when it starts snowing. I have no idea how to run on slippery ground. I have a weird fear of slipping on ice during the winter. Like, intense, irrational fear of slipping. You'd think I didn't grow up here and haven't survived 28 winters. I think it has something to do with my sophomore year of high school where I slipped on the ice in my driveway three times one morning and then when I got out of the car at school I slipped in the school parking lot as well. It clearly left an impression. I hate winter.